Why I Fired My Secretary

ZING! The following was taken from halder.in. I’m certain it’s just a joke, but in today’s world, I could actually see this happening.

SecretaryLast week was my birthday and I didn’t feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy birthday!”, and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone “Happy birthday”.

I thought… well, that’s marriage for you, but the kids will remember. My kids ate breakfast and didn’t say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Jane said, “Good morning boss, happy birthday!” It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o’clock and then Jane knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, let’s go out to lunch, just you and me”.

I said, “Thanks Jane, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. Let’s go!”

We went to lunch. But we didn’t go where we normally would go. We dined instead at a little place with a private table. We had two martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day… We don’t need to go back to the office, do we?”

I responded, “I guess not. What do you have in mind?”

She said, “Let’s go to my apartment”.

After arriving at her apartment Jane turned to me and said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I’m going to step into the bedroom for a moment. I’ll be right back”.

“OK”, I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake… followed by my wife, kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing “Happy Birthday”.

And I just sat there…

On the couch…

Naked…

Anti-Piracy Ads Cause Piracy

I couldn’t agree more with this guy’s post.

Never before was there as good a reason to pirate movies as the (really really bad) anti-piracy ads I have to sit through when I’ve bought an original DVD.

Seriously, I paid for the damn movie – can I just watch the thing without having to sit through 30 minutes of all the fear and intimidation ads? Nope, I can’t. They don’t let you fast forward, skip to the menu, or any of that – you just have to sit there and watch the crap scroll slowly across the screen, usually in more than 1 language.

Then you get to sit through ads for the 84 different production companies involved with the movie you’re about to watch. By the time the movie actually starts to play, you’re completely pissed off, need to take a piss and get a refill on your beverage.

It’s enough to make one want to get a pirated copy of the movie without all the annoying bullshit they cram on the beginning of the DVD.

Shitball Anti-Piracy Ads Blow