Mike Tyson

Mike TysonGod damn I loved Mike Tyson as a fighter when I was younger. The guy was an animal, ferociously devouring his opponents in seconds. He was the new era of fighter that would take the world of boxing to the next level.

Unfortunately his career fizzled just as fast as it had begun. His personal life and career began to deteriorate until he became a novelty.

A few quick facts:

  • Michael Gerard Tyson was born June 30, 1966.
  • Rated as the fourteenth greatest boxer of all time by Ring magazine.
  • Nicknamed “Iron” Mike Tyson, Kid Dynamite, and The Baddest Man on the Planet.
  • The movie Tyson is a great look at his early days as boxer, to being the “Heavyweight Champion of the World”, and to his controversial days of being convicted of rape.

Here is a compilation of his funniest quotes.

Happy McValentine’s Day

Click to view biggie sizeAwww yea! I had me some McDonalds and just in time for Valentine’s Day, I got a heart shaped McNugget. Actually, I got this last year (Feb. 2006), but it’s probably still good right?

You know if I had an ebay account, this baby would be up there fetching a nice chunk of change from some whacky Valentine’s Day fanatic.

I couldn’t bring myself to eat it. Mostly because I was affraid I’d bite into it and it would actually be a chicken’s heart or something. I mean, we’ve all bitten into some fast food and found something with the completely wrong consistency being ground up in our mouths. That kind of stuff will make you re-think your diet.

I could save it and give it to my wife for Valentine’s Day, but instead I chose the “Message in a bottle” routine where I packaged it back up and tossed it in the trash. My theory is, just like a note shoved in a bottle at sea, my trash will find it’s way into some poor, hungry, homeless persons hands where they can take delight in the treasure they have just found. The choice is theirs, do they eat it or do they try to trade it for crack?

World’s Longest Nipple Hair

World's Longest Nipple Hair? I Think Not!So this 20-year-old University of Western Ontario engineering student made it into the 2006 Guinness Book of Records for… wait for it… the world’s longest nipple hair at 3.5 inches long.

I remembered reading about this several months ago. It was one of those links that tend to circulate because of it’s obscurity and because it made it into the Guinness Book of Records.

I’ve had a freakishly long errant nipple hair before myself. I had to show my wife because it was that long. Kinda like how you might have that one friend that takes a massive dump and just has to tell everyone about it, maybe even supply photographic evidence. Except my astounding feat of mutation wasn’t a turd the size of a skinny chicks arm, that’s just nasty.

Now I’m wishing I had taken a picture of it. I haven’t had one since, and I could possibly destroy this guys dreams of being some inconsequential statistic in a book that quickly lost it’s interesting appeal when they started adding records for things like the world’s longest nipple hair. Sure, I’d be the Dudley ‘Booger’ Dawson instead of this guy – but I think that’s a small price to pay to crush the dreams and aspirations of others.