German Police Pissed at Muppet

Apparently someone in Germany is driving a British Audi (drivers side on the right) and seemingly taunting police by speeding past cameras with Animal, the Muppet riding shotgun. Since the cameras in Germany are looking for the drivers side being on the left, they get a nice picture of the Muppet and not the person driving the car!

Talk about awesome.

A German police source said: “The number plate is not enough. We need clear evidence of who is driving the vehicle too.”

“But because this is a British vehicle we can never get a decent picture. The driver has obviously worked this out because he has placed a large puppet in the passenger seat.”

“This may be an example of the famous British sense of humour but it is still dangerous driving. The driver has been caught on camera on several occasions and the puppet is on the passenger seat every time. We suspect he positions the toy deliberately before accelerating past the camera.”

[via: boingboing]

“Dear Red States…” A Letter From The Blue!

Date: 2005-06-24, 11:54AM PDT

Dear Red States…

We’ve decided we’re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and
we’re taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren’t aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon,Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We
believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially
to the people of the new country of New California.

To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot
Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss.
We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and
anti-war, and we’re going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at
once. If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have
kids they’re apparently willing to send to their deaths for no
purpose, and they don’t care if you don’t show pictures of their
children’s caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
hope that the WMDs turn up, but we’re not willing to spend our
resources in Bush’s Quagmire.

With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
of the country’s fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple
and lettuce, 92 percent of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95 percent of
America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most
of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and
condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale,
Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care
costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh,
Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred
unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved
in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy b*****ds believe you are people
with higher morals then we lefties.

By the way, we’re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
weed they grow in Mexico.

Peace out,
Blue States

PostingID: 80714812

[via: Craigslist]

Beware: Charter TV Sucks Balls

For the love of all that’s holy, I can’t believe how bad Charter sucks. I had Charter Internet and TV. I ended up dropping their Internet service because it rarely worked and when it did, I never got the speeds I was paying for. Considering all my horrible experiences with Charter, I didn’t dare try their telephone service, though they certainly tried to sell me on it enough. Even better, they would try to sell me their phone service while I was calling in to confirm that their other services were once again down. Even better, when I called to cancel my service and told them why, they still tried to sell me their other services. I realize they’re reading from a script but come on, I couldn’t help but to laugh audibly and ask them if they were really that stupid.

Well now that I’m free of their crappy Internet service, now I’m noticing their TV service is just getting worse and worse. You can’t watch a full movie, game, or even the local news without having pauses, stutters, pixelation, etc. I seriously don’t understand how this shitball company stays in business (minus the various market monopolies they have) by providing such horrible services. I can’t wait for the day when Charter absolutely fails in the market so hard they are bought out.

I really don’t want to have a satellite installed on my roof, but I don’t see any other option at this point. I had better quality TV with old school rabbit ear antennas than I do with cable TV from Charter. There just aren’t enough options in our area, which is in no way considered “the sticks.” This place is well developed, matter of fact it’s over developed. This just shows how long Charter (previously TCI) had a monopoly in the area and only one other company is just now starting to play catch-up. So without choice, people are stuck with the only option available. When a new option arises, everyone is rightfully skeptical and wait to make any changes. Well, I for one am glad I’ve started to make changes and at this point, I’m certain I will be making more.

Douche Baldwin

Since the last round of elections, I was convinced that voting is just a ploy to make people think they have some amount of control. I had these feelings before, but never were they so prevalent. Election fraud is more in your face than ever before. That is why when the Republican party announced John McCain as their pick for potential President candidate, I immediately told my wife that she was looking at our next President. I tried to explain to her that if only 10 people were allowed to vote, and 9 of them chose Obama, McCain would still be made the next President.

So not too long after that, the media – being as they are – gave us a list of some Hollywood celebrities that endorsed either candidate. You know, the hard hitting investigative reporting the main stream media has come to be known for. Not long after that, we were presented with an interview with Stephen Baldwin openly supporting McCain and claiming that if Obama won, he would leave the United States and claiming that Obama was a “cultural terrorist.”

My god, my heart fluttered with anticipation. Not only was I surprised he could put those two words together, but his conviction also made me smile. It was one of his finest acting moments, pretending to know what the fuck he was talking about. I immediately wanted Obama to win even more. I mean, not only would the next President not be on his death-bed and living in the past, but we’d get rid of the most horrible Baldwin brother of them all! That’s a win-win situation in my book.

Please, let’s all do our part and rid ourselves of any more possible horrible movies from Douche Baldwin.